I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
