when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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