You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize