i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
