one two three fourrrrnication!
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
