You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize