I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
