i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
That accounts for only three of the penises
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
