So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
