what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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