So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize