I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Randomize
