I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
