Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
