At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
