I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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