Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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