and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
