sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
