i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
