I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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