I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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