I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
