shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
