And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
