I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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