did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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