i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
