ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
