Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
