i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
