Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
