hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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