i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize