considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
