There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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