You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
