Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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