They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
