i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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