i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
