I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Randomize
