i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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