Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
