i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
