my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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