Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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