Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
