So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
