My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
