Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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