im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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