Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Can I color on your dick again?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
