the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
