I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
