You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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