need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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