she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
