omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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