I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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