it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
