Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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