I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
