it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
