I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
