I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
